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UnMod.org • View topic - 'Twas IX...
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'Twas IX...

PostPosted: Sat Dec 18, 2010 8:20 pm
by The Coop
And so with a new year, comes the latest entry in my personal OCR tradition. Since I posted VIII here last year, I figured I'd bring this one over as well. So grab something to drink or eat, and get yourself comfy. Because here we go...




by
The Coop


'Twas the night before Christmas
and there on his couch,
sat one Chris McFerlin
looking like a grouch.

Not a hint of a smile
was on his sour face.
Instead a furrowed brow
was firmly in place.

He flipped through some channels
and swore at the screen,
as if those on TV
could hear him be mean.

“This sucks,” Chris said harshly.
“Another year down,
and I feel like the last
single guy in town!

Everyone has a date,
but not me, oh no.
I'm alone for what... the
tenth year in a row?”

As he watched the TV,
anger left his face
and more of a sadness
settled in that space.

“What did I do wrong, man?
Where did I get lost?
What did I say or do
that this was the cost?

I try and be friendly
and helpful and kind.
I treat them with respect.
Yet I'm in this bind.”

Chris frowned as he watched all
those on the TV,
gave out well wishes with
merriment and glee.

He felt like his spirits
needed some lifting.
It was at this point his
mind began drifting

to a week ago while
at the mall for lunch,
he'd grabbed something quickly
on which he could munch.

He'd sat in the food court
eating a salad,
when he'd heard a yell come
from some little kid.

Looking up, he'd seen a
small girl and her Dad
dropping off a letter,
looking very glad.

He'd finished his meal and
headed for the door,
but stopped for a second
in front of a store.

There sat the mailbox that
he'd seen the girl drop
a letter into a
slot up near the top.

On its front, a hand written
sign could be seen.
“Letters to Santa”
in words red and green.

Chris stood there and thought for
a minute, and then
he'd gone off to find some
paper and a pen.

He'd found what he needed
and right there he wrote
a formal request in
the form of a note.

Sealing it up, he'd dropped
it in the box,
and did so secretly,
like a sneaky fox.

Now here he sat, alone
in his apartment.
Wondering where the past
number of years went.

“Why can't I seem to find
in this whole city,
a woman who will take
an interest in me?”

He watched the tube for just
a half hour more,
then turned it off and went
through his bedroom door.

He put on some shorts and
climbed right into bed.
Onto the soft pillows,
he rested his head.

It didn't take long for
Chris to fall asleep.
For nearly an hour,
he made not a peep.

“ALL RIGHT!” a man yelled as
he entered the room.
“We've got things to do, Chris.
Let's get up and zoom!”

Chris quickly sat upright,
all bug-eyed and scared.
He looked all around till
he saw the man there.

He eyeballed the stranger.
“What in bloody hell?!”
was all Chris could utter
in a sleepy yell.

“Let's go,” the man said as
he pulled the bed sheet.
“You've got clothes to put on
and women to meet.”

Chris stared at the fat man,
who wore red and white,
that stood in the bedroom
this Christmas Eve night.

“Just who the hell are you?”
Chris asked sleepily.
“I'm Santa,” the man said.
“Who else would I be?”

Chris sat quietly for
a moment until
he opened his mouth and
out laughter did spill.

“Get the fuck out of here!”
Chris said as he stood.
“Or I'll kick your fat ass,
and kick it damn good!”

The man held something up
while clearing his throat.
“I believe that this is
your hand written note?”

Chris stopped in his tracks and
stared at what the man
held up in the air with
his right mittened hand.

“Allow me to read it,”
Santa said as he
opened up the letter
“All right now, let's see...

“Dear Santa, could you find
a way to help me
in finding a girlfriend
in this damn city?”

Chris stared at the fat man.
“... the fuck?” he than spat.
“All right mister, just how
the hell'd you get that?”

Santa rose up his left
hand with a quick wave.
“It's time to get going
and exit your cave.”

In a flash the two men
became wisps of light.
They shot out the window
and into the night.

Seconds later they both
appeared on the street.
With Chris now dressed in fine
clothes from head to feet.

“... the fuck?!” Chris barked as he
was hit in the head.
“Watch your language son,” was
all that Santa said.

Chris glared at the fat man.
He was clearly pissed
as he watched ol' St. Nick
take out a long list

“Let's get right down to it,”
is what Santa said.
“I've got things to do before
I go to bed.

“This list is of women
that I have assigned
for you to try dating.
I hope you don't mind.

“This was rather sudden
so I can't be sure
if these women are the
type you're looking for.

“So get ready and drop
the profanity.
It's time to get started
with one named Laury."

And so began the dates,
one after the next.
But as the night wore on,
Chris got slowly vexxed.

First on the list was a
woman named Laury.
He heard her gift of gab,
in all of its glory.

She didn't stop talking
for two hours straight.
This left him quite glad
to finish their date.

Sasha was up next and
she was wild, but cool.
At least 'till she drank enough
to fill a pool.

Then she got real loud, cussed
and called him her whore.
After just one hour,
he could take no more.

Then came Jenny who was
cute and quite a dish.
But who also had a
big furry fetish.

Betty was next with her
callus attitude.
She seemed smart but was
unimaginably rude.

Then came Jane, Joan, Tina,
Margret, and then Jude.
The last a cross-dresser
and one ugly dude.

By this time Chris couldn't
take another date.
He'd had quite enough and
had become irate.

“I'm done!” Chris cried out as
ol' Santa came near.
“You've broken me and I've
had it up to here!

“You've sent me on dates with
every kind of loon.
I feel like I'm gonna
lose my damn mind soon!”

“All right, calm down,” Santa
said scratching his chin.
“I've got one more and I
think this one's a win.”

“Uh uh,” Chris said. “No way.
I'm done with this crap.
God only knows what the
hell you've got on tap.”

“Are you sure?” asked Santa.
“I am,” Chris replied.
“I'd like to go home now,
so how 'bout a ride?”

Santa stared at Chris with
a grin on his face.
Then Santa gave a wink
and vanished in place

with a burst of shimmering
and intense light.
Chris shielded his eyes because
it was so bright.

“Real nice,” Chris grumbled as
he rubbed his forehead.
“Dude gives me nut job dates,
then leaves me for dead.”

Looking about, Chris
realized with a frown,
that he had never been
on this side of town.

The streets were all quiet
with no one about.
“I really appreciate this!”
Chris did shout.

There were no taxis or
buses anywhere,
leaving Chris feeling like
he was stranded there.

A bright neon sign caught
his eye down the street.
With a sigh, “Guess I'll go
grab something to eat.”

He walked toward the sign and
found it to read “Joe's.”
“How original” he said
scratching his nose.

He went in and saw that
no one else was there.
“I guess this means I can
just sit anywhere.”

“Pretty much,” came a woman's
voice from somewhere.
She came out from the back
room and saw him there.

“You need anything?” she
asked in such a way
that told of how she'd had
a very long day.

Chris stared at her as she
stood looking at him.
His eyes caught her name tag
that simply read “Kim.”

Her shoulder length hair and
her round pretty face,
her somewhat husky frame
that moved with such grace.

She stood about five-four
and looked rather cute.
“Quit staring,” she said, “Or
I'll give you the boot.”

“Um, sorry,” Chris said as
he came farther in.
“Could I have some coffee?”
he asked with a grin.

Kim simply nodded and
got out a small cup,
and with hot black coffee,
she filled it right up.

Chris took off his coat and
sat down in a booth
feeling rather stupid
for acting uncouth.

“Here you go,” she said as
she set the cup down.
Chris couldn't help seeing
how she had a frown.

“I'm uh,” he stammered out
as she glanced over.
He could tell that his staring
did upset her.

“I'm sorry for before
when I first came in.
I didn't mean to get
right under your skin.”

Kim looked at him again
and gave a small smile.
“Thanks,” she said, then left him
alone for a while.

As Chris sat there sipping
his coffee, he thought
of all the chaos to
his life Santa'd brought.

After a bit he laughed
as he sat alone,
then leaned back and said, “What
a night” with a moan.

“Too much partying?” Kim
asked from where she stood.
“I wish,” Chris said. “If I
could blame that, I would.“

“So what's got you up at
this hour?” asked Kim.
Chris wondered if he should
go out on that limb.

“You really want to know?”
he asked warily.
Kim nodded and replied,
“Sure. You can tell me.”

Chris recounted some of
what he'd done that night,
and as he spoke, Kim's eyes
stayed fixed on him tight.

When he finished telling
his evening's tale,
he noticed that Kim seemed
to be looking pale.

“What's wrong?” Chris asked with his
voice filled with concern.
Kim walked over and told
a story in turn.

“You say a fat guy dressed
like Santa gave you
a number of dates this
evening. Is that true?”

“I swear on my life,” Chris
said with conviction.
“It's been a weird night and
none of that's fiction.”

“That happened to me too,”
Kim said sitting down.
She then started talking
'bout her night in town.

The dates she'd been sent on.
The weirdos she'd met.
The guys she'd never kiss
or hug on a bet.

The fat old guy with a
long white bushy beard.
How in her apartment
the old man appeared.

Before long the two of
them started to smile.
Those smiles turned to laughter
that lasted awhile.

The empty ol' diner
had started to warm,
as each told how they'd weathered
their dating storm.

An hour went by as
they talked themselves thin.
Pausing only when a
customer came in.

When that man had left, the
diner was now theirs.
It filled with smiles, laughter
and comfortable stares.

When her shift had ended,
it was nearly three.
She got her coat and asked,
“Will you walk with me?”

“Be happy to,” Chris smiled as
he paid off his bill.
With that done, they walked into
the night air's chill.

He walked with her to her
apartment and then
politely asked if he
could see her again.

She smiled as she nodded.
This made him smile too.
She then said, “Let me give
my number to you.”

She gave him her info
and he gave her his.
He then kissed her cheek with
a “Merry Christmas.”

She gave him a warm hug
and wished him the same.
When she went inside, that's
when a taxi came.

It stopped at the curb and
the cabby got out.
“You Chris?” the man asked with
something of a shout.

Chris looked a bit wary
as he turned around,
then stared puzzedly at
what he had just found.

“Chris?” the cabby repeated.
“Yeah?” was all Chris said.
“Hop in,” said the cabby
while Chris scratched his head.

It took a moment before
Chris got inside.
He said not a word 'till
the end of the ride.

When Chris got home, he asked,
“How much is the tab?”
The cabby said, “Someone
else paid for this cab.”

“Who?” Chris asked looking puzzled
a little bit.
“Can't say,” the cabby said.
“You're home now, so git.”

Chris got out of the cab
and it drove away.
He then went inside with,
“Dear God, what a day.”

He removed his suit and
took a hot shower,
then relaxed before the
tube for an hour.

In time, he got up and
walked to his bed.
He then spotted something.
“What is that?” Chris said.

Next to his bed, sitting
on his old night stand,
was a letter that he
took into his hand.

It was folded twice, and
when he opened it,
what was written inside
made him need to sit.

“Dear Chris,” the letter started,
“How was your night?
From what I could tell, it
seemed to go all right.

“No doubt you've got questions,
some polite, some rude.
Or probably just a simple
'What the hell dude?!'

“Love isn't something that
I can just hand out.
It's not a gift to be
wrapped and passed about.

“But you weren't alone, as
Kim was just like you.
She sent me a letter
asking for help too.

“So, I took a chance and
got you together,
but not before having
fun with you and her.

“As I'm sure she told you,
she went through the same
bizarre stuff with my take
on 'The Dating Game'.

“I know you both got mad
at times with me when
I kept sending you out
on strange dates again.

“But I also did that
so you two would get
a place to start talking
once you both had met.

“My job's done now and, not
to sound like a jerk,
but it's up to you both
to make this thing work.

“She got a letter as
well, just so you know.
I reads much the same with
some differences though.

“With that, all my best on
this Christmas Eve night.
I hope your futures are
together and bright.”

Chris lowered the letter
and laughed just a bit.
“Nice,” he chuckled as he
began folding it.

At 7 A.M., his
alarm clock rang out.
It pulled him from his slumber
and made him shout,

“Yeah, yeah, I'm awake!” as
he slapped off the buzz
of his alarm clock and
tried to fight sleep's fuzz.

He laid there a moment
before he got up,
then prepared some coffee
and poured out a cup.

Before long his sleepiness
was left behind,
yet the dream he'd had still
lingered in his mind.

Going back into his
bedroom to get dressed,
he stopped right in his tracks
as he felt distressed.

On top of his night stand,
sat a folded bit
of paper that had some
writing upon it.

He stared for a moment
then walked over and
took up the small piece of
paper in his hand.

Chris stared at the paper,
not sure how to feel
about what was dream-like
that now seemed quite real.

On that little paper
was the number Kim
had written down and handed
over to him.

Chris sat down on the edge
of his unmade bed,
as many a thing ran
rampant in his head.

It took him a minute,
then he got his cell
and dialed the number
thinking, What the hell.

The phone rang a few times,
then came a small beep.
“Hello?” said a woman,
her voice thick with sleep.

“Sorry if I woke you,”
Chris said cautiously.
“Is this Kim?” he asked, and
got back, “This is she.”

His heart skipped a beat
as his mind did race,
and a hopeful smile came
to his anxious face.

“My name is Chris,” he said.
“We met late last night.”
“The guy with the dates?” she asked.
“Yeah,” he said. “Right.”

When no response came back,
nervous he did feel.
“That happened?” she said at
last. “That was all real?”

The two of them said nothing
for a short while.
“So um, Merry Christmas,”
Chris said with a smile.

The two began talking
about how it seemed
the night before was one
that hadn't been dreamed.

Chris spoke of the letter
from Santa he'd read,
and learned she too found one
placed next to her bed.

Like him, her letter was
gone when she awoke,
finding just his number
from when they'd last spoke.

It took little time before
laughter began,
and soon their next meeting
had been fully planned.

And so they built on what
they'd thought was a dream
that turned out to be something
more it would seem.

The spark of love's fire
was started this day.
It just needed a push
to get on its way.

Neither felt pangs of
loneliness anymore.
That loneliness bested
at each other's door.

And with Chris and Kim's
future now looking bright,
Merry Christmas to all.
And to all, a good night.





And of course, the previous eight "'Twas" poems...

http://user.xthost.info/thecoop/TheCoop_TwasStories.zip

Re: 'Twas IX...

PostPosted: Sun Dec 19, 2010 3:17 pm
by Martin Penwald
Cute.